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Family
Matters - Parenting 101
In the next few issues, I will share with you some basic
principles of parenting that come from McDowell and Day's "How to be a
Hero to your Kids". This month you will get an overview. Then, in each of
the next six issues, you will get details on one of the six ingredients of
effective parenting.
Their recipe for strengthening the relationship with your kids has six
ingredients. They must be used in the correct order. They build on each other.
Acceptance
Acceptance is the absolute foundation of a good relationship with your
children. The ideal to aim for is unconditional acceptance - communicating
your love in such a way that your children know, no matter what they might do
or say, no matter how badly they fail or foul things up, that Mom and Dad love
them anyway. When children feel accepted, they feel secure.
Appreciation
Accepting your child builds his or her self-worth and sense of security.
Appreciation adds a sense of significance, the idea that, "Hey I'm
important! Mom and Dad like to have me around - they're proud of me!" To
practice appreciation, become a good finder. Look for opportunities to
sincerely praise, compliment, and encourage your kids.
Affection
Children who grow up without affection are more apt to get involved in
pre-marital sex as teenagers. They are looking for the love they never felt
they got when they were small. Children can't get too much affection.
Physically, you should touch them with plenty of hugs, kisses, shoulder pats,
and back rubs. Verbally, you should tell them you love them.
Availability
How can you show acceptance, appreciation, and affection if you are not
around? While quality time is good, there is no substitute for quantity time.
Accountability
Accountability teaches a child obedience, which helps the child develop
self-discipline. Without a good sense of accountability, a child will never
have the self-discipline to deal with authority. Not only does a hero hold his
children accountable and responsible for what they do; a hero is willing to
make himself accountable to his children!
Authority
Authority suggests leadership - and that's what parents are, leaders in their
homes. Authority is about guiding, role-modeling, and setting examples. The
children know the limits, but they also know there is freedom to make good
choices within those limits. Loving authority gives a child a sense of
self-decisiveness, being able to make the right choice about how to act, what
to say, what to do.
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